‘Trans Memoria’ Explores Womanhood, Belonging and Community Through a Raw Portrayal of Transness

“Will there be any hope in this film?”—a question that is spoken out loud in “Trans Memoria,” the brutally honest feature-length debut documentary by Swedish filmmaker Victoria Verseau. 

“Trans Memoria” follows Verseau’s return to a Thailand hotel, where she stayed while going through the process of gender-affirming surgeries in 2012. Her visit is motivated by the desire to mentor Athena and Aamina, two young trans women who are transitioning themselves. During this journey with Athena and Aamina, Versau is also grieving the loss of her best friend Meril, who tragically committed suicide a few years after the pair met during Verseau’s first stay at the hotel. As Verseau revisits her memories of Meril in the unnamed Thai city, she reflects on what it means to be a woman, and what she’s lost and gained since her surgeries. The theme of hope is recurring—in her desire to be loved, her quest for happiness and her ambition to survive. 

The film is very experimental, incorporating footage of the video diary Verseau kept during her original stay at the hotel in 2012, as well as current footage, poetic voice overs and artsy shots of the Thailand landscape. It opens on a close up of personal items on a table—tangled headphones and the like—the shell of a life, with Verseau’s diary entry voiceover saying,“I collect. I document. I write down my memories. I’m afraid they’ll disappear.” 

SXSW, or South by Southwest, an annual film festival and conference held in Austin, Texas, screened the film four times. On the opening night of the festival, Verseau made an appearance before the film started, and thanked the audience for attending, before watching the film with the responsive crowd. 

Making this film was her way of grieving Meril, she explained. Verseau said that when they first met at the hotel, where Meril was also staying during her process of transitioning, they were a reflection of each other: both fragile and hopeful. 

“My world fell apart when she left, because she was my mirror,” Verseau said.

The film is deeply personal and offers genuine insight into the aspects of trans identity that other films may shy away from. The open dialogue about the reality of surgery, sex, community and the longing to “belong to the straight world,” is challenging, but never labels itself as the end-all-be-all of trans reality. All of the women in the film speak their truths freely. Athena and Aamina are very outspoken themselves, offering diverging narrations that often challenge Verseau’s ideas. 

The three main subjects discuss the fact that they are making a documentary in the documentary at length, which is what makes the film so poignantly self aware. It feels as though the film anticipates the thoughts a viewer will likely have and verbalizes them, creating a quasi dialogue between audience and filmmaker.

By revisiting the hotel, Verseau is able to have a full circle moment and get some closure. The building symbolizes both a beginning and an end, deep joy and brutal pain. “It’s a place that contains our stories,” Verseau says in the film. The audience never sees Meril, but her presence in the film is massive, and her spirit so well captured, that by the end of the film I felt like I knew her too. 

“Trans Memoria” is much more than a vessel for Verseau’s grief. It’s a gift of the lessons she has learned during this decade of her life and a fresh melody for the anthem of hope.

Versau answers the starting question with conviction. “The hope is showing that life continues,” she says. By the time this exchange happens, the audience understands the strength and courage it has taken for Verseau to survive. She has become proof that to live is to triumph.